Eggs have no business dancing with stones

Man, even a for-fun, silly, pointless horoscope can make a person so depressed. Absolutely no basis or reasoning behind it too. haha, meh...

time to find some new comedy movies to cheer me up :]

The world is calling

well how about it? all you people working in those boring cubicles or frantically studying for midterms (or just getting into study mode for the UC-ers) :] lets all have an adventure~

Not entirely sure why I'm still up at like 2 AM ... oh well

edit: 2:16 AM ... oooooooookay. more random weirdness to this house (and this isn't even the first time its happened). I reach over my table to turn off the light and it randomly turns off when my hand is about 3 inches from it. (????) This is like the 4th time its happened. WHERE ARE YOU CASPER??

Verbal Conjugation

Soooooo ... school FINALLY started today (yay?) and I'm taking Chinese I for fun, just a random nonsensical whim of mine haha. There are so many freshmen in the class, they look like my baby cousins lol ... okay now I just feel too old bleh

So the prof asked the class what was the most important part of english grammar ... not a terribly complicated question seeing how you could only guess subject, verb, or object. This one freshman raises his hand and blurts out "the alphabet?" sigh. and I got rejected from UCSD out of HS, wtf (then again it was by default rejection from all UCs due to some circumstances lol). After the professor entertained the class making fun of the poor embarassed freshman, the same freshman's cell phone began to ring.

Ahh ... it was quite a LOUD and obnoxious ringtone too hehe. so came the creation of a new unwritten rule of class. If your phone rings in class you have to buy everyone starbucks or krispycreme donuts ... and thats no small feat with a class of ~40. Guess that'll teach the wittle freshies that silence is golden :)

Also ended up dropping like $240 on a parking permit this quarter since the bus stop is way too far from my house. ahh!!!

The Walrus and the Carpenter

"The time has come," the Walrus said,

"To talk of many things:

Of shoes---and ships---and sealing-wax---

Of cabbages---and kings---

And why the sea is boiling hot---

And whether pigs have wings."

Chasing the starlight

How do you deal with things that seem too good to be true? There are just certain things that seem way too perfect in every way ... are you supposed to accept it and hope for the best or take a pessimistic realist approach?

Experience has taught me to just be realistic and keep my distance but sometimes I just want to keep some hope. But its so hard when something just seems so perfect that its too good to be true! I guess I'm just an idealist at heart and not a very good realist.

A brief paraphrase of something I read ... To hope is to risk pain but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. haha

Boku kimi no koto

Listening to Shanghai Honey by ORANGE RANGE and still can't quite figure out why this is one of my favorite songs after all these years. I think its one of their better songs IMO tho some of their remixes are really catchy too.

absolutely love the lyrics to this song haha

Ii ne kaisei jan kumo hitotsu nai yo
Makka na taiyou kimi wo shiritai yo
Ato wa orera shidai kyou wa dakishimetai
Namiuchigiwa no atsui ketsui
Koushien kyuuji sanagara no toushi
Demo daritsu wa kyuu rin ore no jon ni sorry
Masa ni kataritsugareru sutoorii
Hitori de asobu no wa konya de owari?

Shanhai hanii to hamabe shakou dansu
Mitsumeppanashi tamannee megami
Shanhai hanii to eijian randevuu
Yosete wa kaesu shitagokoro moraru

Boku kimi no koto
Yoku shiranai keredo nanka tokimeitemasu

Yo takumi no wajutsu kanojo wo hanrou
Bosei honnou kusuguru tooku
Kore ga ore no risouzou
Demo risou wa risou mata yasashisou de owarisou
Iya iya konya koso wa get
Seishi wo kaketa masa ni kettou!
Ima ga shun oretachi no seishun
Shimatte ikou! kiai juubun

Shanhai hanii to hamabe shakou dansu
Mitsumeppanashi tamannee megami
Shanhai hanii to eijian randevuu
Yosete wa kaesu shitagokoro moraru

Nanka junai ja nai? Nante ne
Sokka sorya muri da yo na
Datte sou boku kimi no koto
Yoku shiranai keredo nanka tokimeitemasu

Shanhai hanii to hamabe shakou dansu
Mitsumeppanashi tamannee megami
Shanhai hanii to eijian randevuu
Yosete wa kaesu shitagokoro moraru

Nanka junai ja nai ka mo ne
Sokka sorya sou da yo na
Datte sou boku kimi no koto
Yoku shiranai keredo nanka tokimeitemasu

Only fools are positive

Well now ... some of the random unlucky things that happened in the past two days have completely turned around. Car's okay now (except for the dipstick) and the new prof. asked for a meeting for maybe a lab rotation. yay banzai!. Now to figure out how to get into the biobiz class. HMMMM!

I also think this house is haunted haha. The norelco electric razor in my room randomly turns on and off sometimes for no reason and at times the doorbell rings for no reason. No one's there or anything ... there've been times when we're standing by the front door and the doorbell randomly rings (where are you casper?!) Another bizzare thing that happens is the toaster downstairs in the kitchen also controls the light in the upstairs hall outside my room lol... if you press the toaster handle-thing down, the light upstairs turns on. Just a small sampling among several oddities to this house :)

Anyways, lets just hope everything else turns out okay because only fools are positive right?

The other side of the fence

Is the grass always greener on the other side of the fence? Free as a bird you say ... you know who you are...

Maybe I see my so-called "freedom" as a suffocating blanket that drowns out reason and inhibits my thoughts. Is it really such a fun time? Unable to express my passion, wishes, devotion, confidence, and hunger. Ah the single life haha... or maybe I'm just kidding about everything :P

Enjoy what you have while you got it. Even this misunderstood "freedom", which you're so clearly jealous of, may be missed in the near future. (lol, not like I have a choice) And remember, even if the grass is greener, it could be just because there is more manure on the other side.

But I showed pigs can fly so anything can happen right? pshhh haha... There. is. no. hope. :) No wind favors he who has no destined port.

B6 ist überlegen

Was going through some random pictures I had and found an old picture of my car back when it was all spiffy and shiny. meh I miss having a garage ...

sigh. Engine light just came on again today after hauling ass up to OC. Someone offered to VAG it this weekend so we can see what kind of error codes or whatever its throwing out. Hopefully it's nothing serious :(

and my dipstick BROKE today!!! wtf. was checking the oil and put it back in ... and the little plastic handle snapped.

little side note: found another old picture ... the avant I was looking to buy a couple years back. what a beaut! sorta regret not picking it up haha, quattro would be really useful these coming winter seasons. and the car is just oh-so-sexay :-* and those side skirts and those RS4 wheels ... list goes on and on...

Shame and Guilt

When making a decision, you either have to worry about balance and compromise... or you can just selfishly impose your own will.

Just something to think about ... my flavor of selfish combined with a particular flavor of stupid. It's been said that the recipe for happiness is to be one can of stupid as the soup base, a dash of selfish for seasoning, have a generous sprinkling of good health to give it a smooth rich texture and heat until thick... but if you're missing stupidity then everything is pointless haha. I definately have the stupid part down like a pro. Yet ... I'm not happy.

bleh, maybe I should learn how to bake this instead. Cookies sound good.

Sweet Misery

So ... it's almost 2 AM now and I'm wide awake.... can't sleep grrr. sleepy but not sleepy if you know what I mean.

Got some unresolved issues running around my head which will most likely 99.9999999999999% chance stay unresolved for a long time (read: forever). boo brain! let me sleep! :(

Time to try to sleep again. SO TIRED! Maybe if I run around the neighborhood a couple hundred times I'll fall asleep ... sigh, where's that super boring grammar book that puts me to sleep in 3-seconds-flat when I need it. haha this comic is SO me right now.



Falling upside down and backwards in my sleep. zzZZzz

Left 5 over crest 6 long into heaven

R.I.P. Colin McRae.



The former rally driving champion Colin McRae was killed and his five year-old son feared dead in a helicopter crash yesterday afternoon. The aircraft came down in Jerviswood, Lanarkshire, half a mile from the family's home and burst into flames just after 4pm. (Link)

Sort of speechless ... rally just won't be the same anymore. We're proud of you and we'll miss you. :(

R.I.P. from SoCal

ad Kalendas Graecas

Ever hear the saying "when pigs fly"? Those improbable events that will realistically almost never come to pass.

There is no hope ... or is there?




















to be continued.

first post

So here goes my first blog. I'm really not much of a blogger and I suck at conveying my thoughts and emotions, especially on paper but practice makes perfect right? (i wish)

Sometimes don't you wish life just had a reset button? Lately i've been wondering why my luck has gone completely to shit ... and wonder where the reset button went. Sort of reminds me of a conversation way back when I used to still play PC games.

Person 1: life sucks and I cant seem to find the restart button
Person 2: just access the console and enter sv_cheats 1
Person 2: you should be set then
Person 2: but you can only use cheats under certain circumstances
Person 2: Alcohol lets you noclip
Person 2: as "Scarface" showed us. crack allows you to use God mode
Person 2: I'm not sure how, but John Rambo has used Infinite Ammo
Person 2: maybe his bandanna
Person 1: what would be an aimbot?
Person 2: did you know aussies shove ice cubes up their friends asses when they OD on heroin? and a few years ago the aussie health dept. released a statement concerning it
Person 2: Agent Smith in matrix one
Person 2: fucker was wallhacking
Person 2: he was using admin hax

of course this probably doesn't make sense to most people but whatever. just trust me that it's entertaining to anyone who does get it (such a nerd haha).

I've come to the conclusion that motivation is the source of all my disappointment (depressing thought isnt it? lol). Its quite unsatisfying and tiring trying to make myself happy and my future brighter. When I took a year off from school to teach little kids and tutor HS'ers, I felt content. I was devoting my time and attention towards developing their education and hopefully giving them a better chance at maybe doing what they wanted to do when they graduated. I came to UCSD because I wanted to "help people" (so cliche) through research and whatnot but after coming here it seems like none of this research really interests me. It also doesn't help that a lot of the professors don't give a shit about our education at UCSD.

It's not just school but seems like everything I've looked run into little S-turns in almost everything I look forward to. Just can't get that rhythm going in my life.

Now what would happen if I wasn't motivated? I wouldn't feel down but I'd never make any progress in this 24/7 job we call life. So yea, lately my luck has been down in the dumps and the weather forecast is predicting light thunderstorms and showers in the near future ... not that I don't like a little rain here and there to freshen things up, but I think (at least hope/wish haha) that something good will come out of working hard and making a more concentrated effort on what needs to be done. Now to figure out WHAT needs to be done.

There a saying that goes "The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work." I believe its pretty solid advice but we'll see what comes out of it.

There's a lot to be said about self-delusionment ...