first post

So here goes my first blog. I'm really not much of a blogger and I suck at conveying my thoughts and emotions, especially on paper but practice makes perfect right? (i wish)

Sometimes don't you wish life just had a reset button? Lately i've been wondering why my luck has gone completely to shit ... and wonder where the reset button went. Sort of reminds me of a conversation way back when I used to still play PC games.

Person 1: life sucks and I cant seem to find the restart button
Person 2: just access the console and enter sv_cheats 1
Person 2: you should be set then
Person 2: but you can only use cheats under certain circumstances
Person 2: Alcohol lets you noclip
Person 2: as "Scarface" showed us. crack allows you to use God mode
Person 2: I'm not sure how, but John Rambo has used Infinite Ammo
Person 2: maybe his bandanna
Person 1: what would be an aimbot?
Person 2: did you know aussies shove ice cubes up their friends asses when they OD on heroin? and a few years ago the aussie health dept. released a statement concerning it
Person 2: Agent Smith in matrix one
Person 2: fucker was wallhacking
Person 2: he was using admin hax

of course this probably doesn't make sense to most people but whatever. just trust me that it's entertaining to anyone who does get it (such a nerd haha).

I've come to the conclusion that motivation is the source of all my disappointment (depressing thought isnt it? lol). Its quite unsatisfying and tiring trying to make myself happy and my future brighter. When I took a year off from school to teach little kids and tutor HS'ers, I felt content. I was devoting my time and attention towards developing their education and hopefully giving them a better chance at maybe doing what they wanted to do when they graduated. I came to UCSD because I wanted to "help people" (so cliche) through research and whatnot but after coming here it seems like none of this research really interests me. It also doesn't help that a lot of the professors don't give a shit about our education at UCSD.

It's not just school but seems like everything I've looked run into little S-turns in almost everything I look forward to. Just can't get that rhythm going in my life.

Now what would happen if I wasn't motivated? I wouldn't feel down but I'd never make any progress in this 24/7 job we call life. So yea, lately my luck has been down in the dumps and the weather forecast is predicting light thunderstorms and showers in the near future ... not that I don't like a little rain here and there to freshen things up, but I think (at least hope/wish haha) that something good will come out of working hard and making a more concentrated effort on what needs to be done. Now to figure out WHAT needs to be done.

There a saying that goes "The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work." I believe its pretty solid advice but we'll see what comes out of it.

There's a lot to be said about self-delusionment ...